Wummin (Scots word for Woman) is the second episode of the second series of Still Game.

Series Name
Season 2, Episode 2
Air date 4 April 2003
Written by Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill
Directed by Michael Hines
Episode Guide

The episode opens with Navid closing his shop, when a man approaches him. Navid tells the man that he's shut, but notices that the man is Bert Findlay, who has recently lost his wife. Navid thought that Bert was a jakey because of his appearance.

Meanwhile, Jack and Victor are leaving the Clansman at shutting hours. They notice Bert and try to get his attention, but he doesn't hear them. Jack and Victor sympathise as they have both lost their wives as well.

Winston is making out that his leg is still sore, in order to have a home help. Mrs Begg, who works as Winston's home help, is suspicious of him and warns him that if she discovers Winston is lying, he will be taken off the register. Jack and Victor think that Mrs Begg is attractive, but they also warn Winston to be careful.

Jack and Victor discover that Bert is not living well. His flat is untidy with dirty dishes and tins lying about, and he has burnt his hand on the cooker. Victor goes to make Bert a cup of tea, while Jack has a talk with Bert about getting his life back on track. Jack and Victor also have to empty a pot under Bert's bed, filled with urine, as Bert is unable to face using the bathroom, as Annie's makeup and perfume is still there. Victor ends up tripping on the carpet and pouring the urine over Jack.

Winston is out and about, when he sees some boys playing football. He kicks the ball too high, and it accidentally hits Mrs Begg on the face, breaking her nose. Mrs Begg is unaware that Winston had kicked the ball. Shortly afterwards, Isa is telling Navid that Winston is in a hurry to the bookies, and is running without a stick. Mrs Begg overhears this, and catches Winston dancing in the bookies. Winston pleads with Mrs Begg not to grass him in to the Social Services, but she does and Winston's home help is finished.

Jack receives a phone call from Bert, saying that he wants to meet up with him and Victor for a pint. Bert fails to turn up, much to Jack and Victor's concern. Next morning, Jack, Victor and Winston visit Bert to check up on him. Bert answers the door, holding a razor and reluctant to let them in. Jack is worried by this. Inside, Bert's living room and kitchen are all tidied up again. Jack is convinced that Bert intends to commit suicide, as he hears water running in the bath. Bert pleads with Jack, Victor and Winston not to go into the bathroom, but they ignore him. To the shock of the men, Mrs Begg is in the bath, naked. It turns out that Mrs Begg has been having an affair with Bert. The lads are pleased with Bert for doing well with Mrs Begg. Winston is able to convince Mrs Begg to be his home help again, in order to cover up her relationship with Bert.

After the credits roll, Mrs Begg is hovering in Winston's house. Jack, Victor and Winston sing the Ballad of Mrs Begg.