Hatch is the fifth episode of the fourth series of Still Game.

Series Name
Season 4, Episode 5
Air date 19 August 2005
Written by Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill
Directed by Michael Hines
Episode Guide
Who's the Daddy?


The episode opens with Isa mopping the landing. She sees Victor going into Jack's house, and she works out that there is a tin of Heinz tomato soup in the pot. Victor shows that she is right and goes into Jack's house. They comment how they are fed up with Isa constantly interfering with their business. Jack is watching 'Trisha' on TV, where a boy has had a sexual relationship with his own mother. Victor discovers a remote for the Sky TV box. It turns out that Jack's daughter, Fiona, bought it for him as a gift. Jack tells Victor not to touch it, as he feels it would run up a huge bill. Victor tells Jack that he should be using his Sky TV as there is plenty to watch. Victor soon proves his point to Jack as there are many old and classic films on that haven't been on for years.

Meanwhile, Winston has been watching 'Trisha' in his own house. He goes to open a can of beer, when the doorbell goes. It turns out to be his daughter, Margaret and his grandson, Thomas. Margaret tells Winston that Thomas is not coming with them on holiday, to Blackpool, due to his wild behaviour. Margaret asks Winston to look after Thomas, while she is away. Winston initially refuses, but Margaret talks him into it, as she is badly needed the holiday since she and her partner, Gary, have not been getting on recently. Winston agrees for his daughter's sake, although he is not too fond of Thomas. He intends to straighten Thomas out. While he was giving Thomas a lecture, Winston finds that Thomas has drank his can of beer.

Later that night, Jack orders Victor out his house, as he is tired and Victor has been hogging the TV all day. Victor pretends to go out the door and tries to sneak back in, but Jack chases him out.

Next morning, Shug arrives at Jack's house with his toolbag. Isa tries to find out what's going on, but Jack, Victor and Shug give her V-signs. Victor asks Shug if it is possible to connect a cable from Jack's Sky box to his own TV. Shug says it is possible, but Victor would have to watch whatever Jack is watching as they only have the one signal. Consequently, if Jack changed his channel, it would also change Victor's channel. This causes Jack and Victor to argue, but Shug offers to make a hatch in the wall, in order for the pair to "rationally co-ordinate their viewing". However, Shug makes a door-sized hole in the wall. Despite this, Jack and Victor thinks the hatch is a good thing. They consider the advantages, although they decide to buy curtains, in case of a council inspection.

At Winston's house, Winston wakes Thomas up early, and tells him he has a day of chores ahead of him. Winston is horrified to discover that Thomas had smuggled in a girl, named Tina, the night before and slept with her. Later on, Thomas smuggles in a cannabis plant. Winston catches him, so Thomas pretends it's a tomato plant and offers it as a gift to apologise for Tina. Winston forgives Thomas, although he wonders how it could grow tomatoes.

Next morning, Victor asks Jack for a loan of savlon, due to having a sore boil on his buttock. Isa comes to the door, and is surprised to see Victor in his pyjamas. Isa looks through the letterbox and sees Jack examining Victor's boil, but she mistakenly believes Jack and Victor were having anal sex. Her mind is blown.

Isa soon tells Navid the big news that Jack and Victor are gay. Tam is annoyed at Isa for eavesdropping through the letterbox, and Navid is not bothered by them being gay. Since the news is big, Tam asks Isa to allow him to share the gossip.

Later, Jack and Victor are shopping for curtains, when Boaby sees them. He tells them that the Clansman is for everyone and that they will be served and treated with respect. Boaby doesn't say outright that Jack and Victor are gay, so the duo are confused. Jack and Victor soon find Isa making strange comments and so is Navid. In the Clansman, Jack and Victor discover that the locals are acting strangely too.

Winston comes home to find his house occupied by neds, who are Thomas' friends. He is annoyed and soon finds one using his cooker to make cookies. Winston orders the neds out, and blames them for killing his "tomato plant". Winston is furious with Thomas, and promises to report him to his parents. He is even more annoyed that he has to eat the cookies for his dinner, since Thomas and his friends ate Winston's pies. Thomas tries to warn Winston about the cookies, but Winston eats one and he is happy. It turns out that the cookies contain cannabis and Winston is stoned. Thomas is off the hook. When Margaret returns from her holiday, she finds Winston stoned and his house taken over by neds.

Jack and Victor are discussing the days events, when they conclude that Boaby is gay. Just then, Tam comes to the door with his friend, Mick. Mick is a large, bald man who looks tough. Tam leaves Jack and Victor with Mick, who turns out to be homosexual and wants to have a masturbation session. At the Clansman, Tam explains the situation to Jack and Victor that everyone in Craiglang thinks they are gay, because Isa saw them in their pyjamas in the same house. Jack and Victor decide to test Boaby's tolerance and pretend to have sex in the pub toilets. Boaby isn't too happy with this, and he tries to rumble them. Jack and Victor have the last laugh as they throw their pints over Boaby.

After the credits roll, Jack and Victor are playing Playstation at Winston's house. The episode's plotlines are wrapped up as Winston makes a reference to their apparent homosexuality and Jack tries Winston's cannabis cookies.