Aff (Scots word for off) is the sixth episode of the third series of Still Game.

Series Name
Season 3, Episode 6
Air date 11 June 2004
Written by Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill
Directed by Michael Hines
Episode Guide
Kill Wullie


The episode opens with Winston coming into his house with shopping bags. He goes to have a look at his sore foot, but his shocked at what he sees.

The scene jumps to Victor on the phone to his son, John. Victor is sounding ill, but this is only an act to get John to pay attention to him. Jack is annoyed at Victor for doing this to John, but Victor thinks John deserves it as he has never been concerned about his father.

Over in the Clansman, Boaby is holding a 'Scampi and Tarot night' which was organised by Peggy. Winston hobbles in and Boaby calls him 'Long John Silver'. Winston shows his bad foot to Tam and Eric, who are both disgusted. Boaby comments that Winston's foot is finished. He also tells Winston about the the fortune teller being so accurate, but Isa is highly offended and storms out the pub. It turns out that Ella, the fortune teller, has told Isa that she was going to get knocked down by a car on Thursday. Boaby tells Ella that she is here for entertainment and not to tell people they are going to die. However, Ella proves to be accurate as she senses that someone is in pain with either a leg or a foot ie Winston.

The next morning, Winston sees a doctor about his sore foot. The doctor asks Winston if he smokes. Winston replies that he gave up smoking five years ago as it was too expensive. It turns out that Winston had been smoking eighty cigarettes a day, which shocks his doctor. He tells Winston to go to the infirmary and Winston asks if his sore foot would allow him to claim for invalidity benefit, which the doctor agrees to.

Winston is happy at the prospect of the extra money. He tells this to Jack and Victor, who are also horrified at the sight of his foot. Winston tells Jack that he may get lucky too, because of his pipe smoking. Jack puts his pipe in the bin and vows to stop smoking, as he doesn't want to end up like Winston.

Victor laughs at Jack giving up his pipe. It turns out that Victor has an answering machine message from John, who is now worried for his dad. Victor then gets a phone call from John. Jack ends up speaking to John and grudgingly covers for Victor.

At Navid's shop, Isa tells him how scared she is about her reading from the fortune teller. Navid can't help but make a joke out of the prospect of Isa dying.

Jack has taken to cutting up carrots and eating them in order to help him give up his pipe. Victor gets yet another phone call from John, but is horrified to learn that John has arrived at Glasgow Airport and is coming to see Victor. Jack tells Victor that it serves him right and initially refuses to help him. However, after eating a pipe shaped carrot, Jack comes up with a plan.

In Navid's shop, Jack buys grapes, tissues, lucozade and paracetamol to make it look as if Victor has a cold. Jack tells Navid that he has given up his pipe and requests that Navid does not sell him tobacco. However, Navid still wants to sell it to Jack and teases him about it.

John arrives at Victor's house and sees his father looking ill. Victor manages to give a convincing performance to fool John.

As for Winston, he goes to see the social services about his claim. The snooty looking woman does not believe Winston due to his history of making ridiculous claims. However, Winston shows the worker what was left of his foot and she agrees to get his form.

Jack and Victor are out and about when John catches them. Victor acts ill again and John tells Jack that Victor should be in the house. Jack tells John that Victor really wanted to come out for a pint and so John agrees to come with them. Jack goes into the pub and tells Boaby and the lads that Victor is pretending to be ill because his son is here. When John goes off to the toilet, Tam, Eric and Boaby blackmail Victor to buy them drinks otherwise they will tell John the truth. Victor is worried that John is becoming suspicious and decides to take a fall. This proves to be the act that John catches Victor out. John demands Victor's keys and he storms out the pub.

Winston is in the hospital. He tells the doctor to be straight with him and jokingly asks if they are going to "hack his foot off". It turns out that this is the case, and Winston is gutted.

Isa is going to cross the road. In the middle of the road, she freezes as a silver car comes towards her, but luckily Navid pulls her out the way. Isa is relieved that Navid has saved her, but she is then comically knocked down by a young boy in a silver peddle car.

Victor goes after John and they face each other in a park. John tells his father that he is furious at having to come out to Craiglang for a prank while he was at such an important stage in his career. Victor apologises, but then rebukes John for failing to phone him. Victor points out that he really misses his son. John realises that he is to blame as well and promises to bring his family to see him during the summer. Jack meets up with them and reveals he is back on the pipe. His excuse is that there was so much going on. Together, the three men go home happy.

After the credits roll, Jack and Victor are visiting Winston in hospital. Winston is depressed at losing his leg, but considers himself lucky that it wasn't his lungs that were affected. Jack and Victor leave and Isa is brought in to the bed beside Winston. Isa starts chatting away and Winston calls repeatedly for the nurse.